I know that I am probably not the only one who has a lot of characters in her head. It is so easy to say how crazy someone is or how crazy they sound but who really takes the time to ask the right questions? Just like my recent post, “who are you”? To be honest, I am not sure what I could have answered to those questions but what I know is that I am me, Me and ME.
A part of me, HATES men. Let’s start by that. After getting raped for the first time, the part of me that died on the moment hated men so bad. That same me, didn’t want to have nothing to do with a man. That young lady, in an other world, other life, other name, would have killed that man who abused her, herself. She is me. That part of me was not living, she was walking dead. She didn’t expect anything from anyone because she couldn’t save her own self. She was only waiting on that day she would be able to cut the right vein and rest in peace, away from all the pain.
Meanwhile, the other part of myself, thought that it would be wrong to put all the men on the same boat because of that monster. Me, even started to learn how to forgive but that was hard, that was actually impossible. That part of myself was in a surviving mode, she was trying to learn how to live again but this time with the trauma eating her from inside. She even tried to put her trust issues away and give it a try with man. But, she started being dependent. She needed to feel loved because she couldn’t love herself.
And now, meet ME. I am the combination of me and Me, both are me. Everything I do and the way I talk or reply reflect a part of ME. That part of myself was willing to change and be better than the two others.
That part of ME, was ready to accept her past and use her trauma to help other people.
She was ready to get on that healing journey, that have been more than rough for her.
She was ready to let someone else inside of her life and give it a try.
Ready to love like she has never been hurt.
Ready to care like no one ever cared about her.
Ready to choose love knowing how bad this can hurt.
Ready to commit on something she never really believed on, hoping that things will be different.
Ready to give it a try.
Ready to do whatever it takes to feel and be better.
She was and still learning how to do things.
She was and is still ME !!