For some it takes a picture, a song, a smell, a name, a place, a face, a plate, a subject… to get those flashbacks of bad memories.
Yesterday, I was scrolling on IG and saw his face. I even heard his name on a video. Understand that we’re not even friends on social media but we clearly have people in common. Thank God that I was too tired to stay up all night but waking up with seeing another video with his face just made me feel down. It hurts me to see how even after years, I am still suffering about things he did when he probably just forgot about it. He actually denied it and what hurts me the most is that I had to justify myself to my friends and no one around me believed me. I just had one of them who believed me since the moment I told her about it. She took it seriously and even got mad at me often for pretending that I was fine and that nothing happened. I first wasn’t sure it was a rape, I was SLEEPING. But one day, I needed answers so I called an organism of sexual assault victims and they put a name on it. I remember feeling better now that it was clear that it was a rape but to realize that it was the second time happening to me just got me more depressed. I felt so lonely because I had no one to turn to. Cutting myself was my escape, it made me feel the hurt I was feeling showing me that it was real, I used to love it. I ended up thinking that I actually deserved to be raped and that I was the problem not them. Today, I know that I was wrong and I am slowly starting to heal. But it makes me so sad to see that it still hurts me and does have an effect on my mood. Not as much as it used to but still. I just need to speak out loud what I have always kept for myself. This blog is a better way for me to escape and to express myself without fear. Sometimes all I want is justice. But I know that I will have to make my own justice by being strong and standing up for everyone who have been abused. I need to break the silence, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
I am a rape survivor, beautiful and strong.✊🏾❤
May you all have a wonderful day,
Stay blessed 🙏🏾💕