For many years, I have lied to myself and people around me about who I really am. I faked it so good that I actually believed in my own acting.
I am the kind of person who loves to smile but growing up that smile started to hide a lot of pain. More I was hurt, more I would smile. I always had a smile in my face even if deep inside I was crying like a big baby. I guess people got used to that smile so they never questionned me about my life. Because for them, I looked happy but I wasn’t. I knew I was not happy and I knew that I was not myself but I had no idea of who I really was. I never have faced myself. I actually never had the courage to do it because facing myself would mean facing my past, the scars, the bad memories and it was just so hard for me. But today I thank God for that special person He blessed me with that made me realized that if I want to get through it, I’ll need to face myself and accept my past. I first thought that he was kind of hard on me and had no compassion, but he told me exactly what I needed to heal and not what I wanted to hear. After that, I wanted to be able to face myself too. I wanted to know myself better. I started by looking at myself in the mirror and talking about my life story. Everytime I did it, I cried and felt so much better after. Seeing myself in the mirror while talking about my past just made me realized that I have been through a lot of pain but I am still here. It made me realized that I am stronger that I thought I was. That I have been focusing on the wrong stuff, on things I couldn’t change. Since, all I want is to be a better version of myself. Facing myself was so new for me but it felt so good and right. We all have to be thankful for the people we have around us that make sure we get the love and support we need. Because what we want it is not always what we actually need.
The healing process can be harder than what you are trying to heal from but it is worth it. 💓