Stop blaming yourself

To every survivor of rape…

First, let me tell you that everything that happened to you isn’t your fault.

I don’t care if you were drunk, how you were dressed and if he was a nice guy.

Nobody and I really mean NOBODY deserve to be raped. Victims are victims, blame the rapist not them. They didn’t ask for it. They didn’t got drunk to be raped. They didn’t dressed some type of way to get raped. Just like you don’t have the right to rape them because you’re a nice guy and you can get everything you want even without consent.

#rape #victims #survivors

9 thoughts on “Stop blaming yourself

  1. Totally agree stop blaming yourself, and ABSOLUTELY nobody deserves ever being raped, assaulted, molested.. The trouble with society is nobody really cares what the victims had go through before and afterwards nor do they care if the perpetrator is caught it’s basically just another news feed for people to grasp onto.. another headline to watch and read. #rape.survivor#2

    1. Thank you very much for your comment, you are absolutely right. The society sadly blaims the victims and not the rapist and that is a shame. Rape is the ONLY crime where we blame the victims or try to understand why she/he got raped like if there is valuable reasons to do it. I believe that there is no reason for someone to do such things, I don’t care if she/he was drunk, half naked, flirting… Nobody deserves to get raped, NOBODY. I will take a look at it. Can you send me the link of the article. And May God bless your heart 🙏🏾

      1. Thanks. It’s always good to hear from another person who really understands the full picture of what it’s like for a survivor of rape. I am one. What’s worse is that I didn’t even think for a minute, that this person who I recently started to get to know? Would do such a horrific act.. The majority of victim’s know who their perpetrators are. Yet? He’s still running around and more than likely committing more rape crimes to other women, because he’s a sexual predator and that’s what they do. I live with it everyday, but am better now the fact I’ve accepted what’s happened and the best I can do is try and move forward. A year a go after what happen to me, I turned to alcohol and prescription drugs, that was my escape from reality. Then I realized I needed to deal with it probably, because it didn’t matter how much I drank or how many pills I took, those thoughts were still there the next morning. So I decided to take up weight lifting and dance work outs which did absolutely wonders for me. It was interesting when people asked me why on earth, was I weight lifting and doing dance workouts I replied back saying: ‘So I can FIGHT back, because I couldn’t that night I was absolutely powerless’.
        People don’t get it when they hear that a female has been raped. Automatically they blame the victim oh it was because she wore a skirt, whatever that still doesn’t give a spineless coward to force himself into a female because he urges and can’t control himself.. When it comes to this particular subject I feel so strong about, and empathize with the victim because I know what that girl went through, emotionally, physically and if there’s one feeling that stays in your head when your in that situation and that is powerless.. Yet you want to disappear from that moment, but you know that you can’t. What bothers me, is how people just blame the wrong people, the victim will always be blamed for rape, with the perpetrator there’s always some lame excuse in court if he gets there, and it’s usually these factors:
        1. Oh he didn’t know what he was doing.
        2. He’s got alcohol and drug addiction.
        3. His child hood was abusive and lived in an unhealthy environment, so therefore he must of been sexually abused and that’s why he rapes women
        4. Oh I love this one.. [ He’s got a mental issue, he’s unstable, that’s why he rapes
        To me all for above? There is no excuse. Absolutely none.. Society chooses to look for the easy way out, when it comes to rape, which is probably why blaming the victim is so easy to do and letting the perpetrator back into society knowing that he will commit another rape crime? Is absolutely disgraceful.. I can send you links of documentary maybe useful very significant I watched one last night, and I actually cried because she was 13yrs of age.. it was very powerful and sad that she was subjected to that carp at such a young age.. And the people who did this to her? Were the LAW.. The very people who are suppose to protect society. That in itself made me question how many others in my country has this happened to and they have been afraid to come forward because the perpetrators? Are the LAW..

        1. I am speechless. I am not even sure if there is something I can add to complete your comment. EVERYTHING you said it’s sadly true. I just want to tell you that you are beautiful and strong. Just to be able to share your story shows how strong you truly are. And trust me, I do understand you and everyone who sadly had to go through such situations. Keep on sharing your story and don’t be afraid of standing up for yourself and all of us, survivors of rape. Your comment really touched me, so I want to encourage you to keep up the good work. We need more people like you and you should let your story bring out the better version of yourself. Stay strong and feel free to come and share with me anything and everything. Just like it would be nice to talk with someone who understands me. I wish you a wonderful day, may God bless you ❤🙏🏾

          1. Thank you for your kind hearted words, it’s not often that I hear thing’s that make me all the more determined to help more survivors of rape, sexual assault, molestation. I want women out there to know that staying afraid of the perpetrator hurts even more, and it is possible to overcome the fears by telling yourself this:
            It’s not my fault
            I didn’t deserve that
            I am a beautiful person
            I will get over my fears and doubts
            I can face the world
            I am stronger now than ever
            These are the words I reminded myself everyday for the last two years, and I overcame the fears I had and was able to face the perpetrator and it felt good because I’m standing in front of him. The fear I had disappeared after that I knew I was on the right path of recovery and more positivity better thing’s to look forward to but more so I was at peace with myself and not angry at myself or the world. I didn’t need the alcohol or the drugs anymore, they were making everything worse not better. So I was able to find a solution a much better one that I could get more happiness from and that dance workouts. When I dance it makes me feel alive, and I enjoy it because I don’t think about anything only the music that is playing. All the negativity I had? Disappeared. I want other survivors to know that they can do it, even though might think you can’t because of what has happened to you, no you can do it believe in yourself, you are way more stronger now because you’ve survived one of the most heinous and horrific crimes ever. So please start believing in yourself don’t let what happened to you control you any longer, resulting to addictions of drugs and alcohol like I did is not the answer there’s always another way, a better one for you☺

            1. I really needed to hear this. Since I was raped on march 2013, I have lost all the passion I used to have for music and dance. I have never accomplished anything since because I always give up during the process. I always have negative thoughts about everything and anything. Used to feel like I deserved to be rape, especially because I went through two other situations with different people, in a different concept. And in none of it I defended myself. It is crazy because I am always there to “protect” people but when it comes to myself…. I just don’t know what to do. I did years blaming myself for everything that happened to me and especially for not being able to defend myself. Today, all I want is to be and to feel better. I am slowly healing but I still got a lot to work on. I understand now that I have NOTHING to do with everything that happened to me. But I am not sure that I am in peace with it yet. I know that my past is a part of me but I still need to forgive. As a christian, that step is the most important step and it holds my freedom but it is so hard. What I clearly know is that for me to heal, I will need to speak up and to stand for myself and all the survivors of rape. We are stronger together, it is not easy but if we keep on helping one and other we will get through it. Because we deserve to be happy and to focus on our future instead of living in the past. Have a wonderful night ❤

              1. I hear you.. ironically, people like us who have been through one of the most horrendous crimes ever, other people who have never ever had to go through such in-depth pain emotionally, physically don’t understand how or what it’d like for any survivors of rape.. The aftermath is the most challenging things I’ve ever had to go through after I was raped. I just didn’t know what to do or anything, I felt I had to put on a mask for the rest of the world to see, until I was ready to tell someone what had happened because after I was raped I was in denial, yet I knew it had happened, I just didn’t want to accept it or let alone tell anyone, I felt lost.. I felt so alone.. And all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock big enough to hide me.
                I guess I had to go through the first stages of the aftermath of rape and that was so impossible, loss of appetite, crying spells, constantly feeling that he was going to come back, vulnerable, sleepless nights, loss part of my memory from that night, it was like trying to find pieces of a puzzle, waking up in cold sweats and nightmares, over tiredness, irritable constantly changing my clothes halfway through the day, isolated myself didn’t want to go anywhere. The one thing I really wanted to do for those months going through all the emotional and physical side of the aftermath, was I wanted to have a bath. I couldn’t sit in a bath tub for a year.. So I ended up having showers, which I’m not find of I prefer got baths, but for one year I could not have a bath, when I would try to I would freak out. So I would end up having a shower. It’s not easy for us survivors, and it takes time to fully recover from what we had to go through. I blamed myself for what happened to me, and told myself ‘oh I must of deserved it because I know he didn’t like what I had said to him prior to that night. I realised that either way? He was always going to do it, because that was his sick plan from the beginning the build of of him offering to help me [Grooming] And that’s probably where I didn’t see it, because sexual predators are very good at manipulating, isolating, controlling their target. But I think what really infuriated me was the fact that he made out to everyone who we both knew, that he and I were in a relationship.. WE.. WERE.. NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP..! He did that so nobody would ever suspect what his real plan was for me..
                You will be fine and you will recover fully it takes time, you are a beautiful vibrant person who deserves the best in life😊
                Be proud of the work you do even if survivors don’t come forward, they will certainly read posts like ours and that will be enough to make the decision they need to for themselves. We can only do so much to help survivors of rape the rest is up to them.

                God bless you
                Thank you, for being you☺

                1. This is awful. Let me tell you that you did not deserve what happened to you. And sadly, most of the time we know our rapist and they are personally not monsters, at all. I had to go through 3 situations of sexual assault but the one that was enough to make me lose a part of myself was and will always be the first one. I really enjoy talking to you and reading your comment. I don’t even know if there is a message/chat option here but you can join me there. We are doing better and we will get even better. We can do it ☺
                  Have a wonderful sunday,
                  Hope to talk to you soon 💋

                  1. Yes. It’s always someone we know and they really do know how to keep the mask on, so nobody can see who they really are underneath. It happened twice to me, 5 month’s later after the first one he randomly appears on my front door step late at night. Thinking it was a relative, I opened the door and there he is standing there drunk. I froze didn’t know what to do or say. At that point of time, I was still afraid of him and really didn’t know how to react. It was like seeing a ghost. So many things were racing through my mind and I knew he came back for a reason person doesn’t just disappear for that length of time, and reappears again.
                    After that night he just kept coming back uninvited, wasn’t until two weeks later he blind shot me and did it again, but this time it was outside on my front porch for the whole world to see.. That? Was the most humiliating one of the two rapes, because people saw him do it and didn’t do anything to stop him, all they did was beep their car horns and looked as they passed.. but like you I always remember the first one though New Year’s Eve, 2015.
                    Thank you I have enjoyed talking as well can leave me a message on my website😊

Leave a Reply